~EaN~

time to blog.
this period of months has been really exhausting.
camp planning and all. school work is nth much. just that it takes up all my time in a day.
i wish my committee wud start having some common sense.
y doesnt people learn to think out of the box? is it cos of the different brought ups that i and them have? its only an excuse. they just cant be bothered. need me be bad guy then listen. for fuck? make ppl's life miserable then shuang? then say 'sry'. wats the point of saying sry when u dun do anything about it?

if only i had limitless energy. i always say i can go on and on and on without rest. it is true. but i din say that my health wud be at stake. lmao.
y am i the type of guy that finds it hard to say no unless its a really ridiculous request. am i that predictable and easy to sway his thots?
no one will ever understand anything im going thru. they ask, but most of them end up talking bout their own lives. like using their life as an example to 'help' me. just goes to show that none of them understand at all. its pointless. it only helps one feel better.
i dun give a shit about all ur lives when im in shit myself. so dun compare me to urselves. u have no right.

i say the only emotion i can nv hide is anger. and true enuff everyone thinks tat i dun feel sad after tat incident.
everyone blames me. no one understands y i even made tat decision. wud things even improve if i hadnt? no. it'll only make the choice harder. it'll only make things worse. they only think of the present. they have no foresight. what happens 5 years from now? they duno. cos they dun understand. they just blame for wat it is now. retards.

yea im not ready. yea im imcompetent. yea im useless in this aspect. yea just keep blaming me.
blame me that every aspect of my life is unfair. life is nv fair yes i know. but at least show me some results? i've given up so much already for this ministry. and wat do i get back in return? the stage where children become teenagers. thats wat i get. and expect me to understand and close both eyes. come on. u all have a responsibility.

my fate? fuck it then.